Being Brave When You Really Don't Feel It

Being brave is not always about feeling fearless or confident. In fact, I'd say it's actually rarely about that for most of us. It's often about facing your fears and doubts despite the uncertainty and discomfort. It's about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, taking risks, and - hold onto your coffee cup - embracing the unknown. Sometimes, being brave means acknowledging your fears and insecurities and then choosing to move forward anyway. In moments when you don't feel particularly brave, it's important to remember that courage is not the absence of fear but the willingness to act in spite of it. Dr. Jody Carrington said something along those lines a few years ago during the Covid pandemic, and I have her expression on a wooden sign in my bedroom that I look at each day (see bottom of post). That simple yet challenging idea got our house through some big and unsettling experiences then and still does now. It's about recognizing that growth and progress often come from stepping into the unknown and challenging yourself, even when it feels daunting.

"Life is not about living the safer option. Life is about living a life worth living."

-Robert Thier

Being brave can manifest in different ways, from speaking up for what you believe in, to pursuing your dreams despite the obstacles, or simply getting out of bed or having a shower on a tough day. If you're anything like me, you've probably been 'brave' in all those ways, and more, at different times in your life. It's a continuous practice of resilience, self-compassion, and determination.

Why am I talking about bravery? My life doesn't really scream "BRAVERY" these days, I know that. And yet, I'm about to embark on something I feel is going to require a level of bravery I haven't had to call upon in quite a while. Well, here it goes...

The beauty company I'm a part of is hosting its annual reunion next week in Atlanta, Georgia. A good handful of my girls and I had been planning on this trip, together, since the details were announced last February. We bought the conference tickets, we booked our flights, and figured out who would room with whom as we got our hotel rooms organized. We started planning our clothes for the various sessions, events and themed galas we would go to. But then, in July, some things shifted as the company decided to restructure, and those changes led many from our group to rethink their plans, and long story (not so) short, I am now the ONLY one from my team who is still going.

I am going solo.

By myself.

Alone.

I hold all my makeup girlfriends so tightly in my heart, and I know each of them has made the best decision for themselves. We all had to sit with this and figure out what we wanted and needed, and could or couldn't do. I easily thought about cancelling my tickets and my flights and my hotel reservation when everyone else did, and my knee-jerk reaction was to do just that. "If no one is going, our trip is off" my brain started saying. Until I wondered..

Could I go anyway? Should I still go? Do I even want to go if my girls aren't with me, especially given how much of a social thing these conferences are?

Biggest question: Do I dare go by myself???

After talking to my friends, and talking to my mom, and talking to Kevin (see, I am an overthinker and often need to talk a lot when I'm making tough decisions), I came to the BRAVE decision to still go. I still wanted to go and see what I could get out of the speakers and the experience. I wanted to see what I could learn, and how I could still grow - me, myself - both in this business and as I embark on a new adventure away from teaching this year. I will know other women there from previous reunions and through FB stuff, and I'm totally fine to both travel and stay by myself ~ the logistics of the plane and hotel don't bother me at all since I've travelled tons on my own with my mom living in another country from me since I was 17.

The worry for me was the interactive and sociable part of this: the overwhelming atmosphere of hundreds of women I don't really know gathering together, most of whom will be with their own people. I'm still having 'unbrave' moments about this whole thing . Who the heck will I sit with during the information sessions, or for lunch, or during the dinner gala, or at the wrap up party??? That is the stress I'm still feeling when I think about my decision to go. Others have 'invited' me to hang out with them, knowing my team isn't coming, but still...were they just saying that, or do they actually want to include me with them? I know I can be ok during the classes, because that's just like going to a university lecture or a PD session not knowing anyone - you just sit and you'll inevitably start talking to the people around you (or you don't lol) - but the lunch, dinner and parties ~ those are a different story.

And yet, I'm going. I'm excited and nervous. I will listen to some amazing speakers and will learn some new things. I will grab my much anticipated fabulous swag bag and the NEW RELEASES being announced for the first time to attendees only. I will enjoy the created atmosphere of the weekend that is meant to lift your spirit and make you feel incredibly special and spoiled, and I will be part of something important and beautiful. And at the same time, if I feel too overwhelmed or anxious, or if my moments of bravery falter a bit, I know I can simply retreat to the calm of my room or the back of the lounge, and thoroughly just enjoy the break I'm taking from the busy of my day to day life back at home and the sweet puppy I love, but who rarely lets me sleep through the night without interruption! #Winning!

Here's the point: the easy thing would have been for me to stay home like the rest of my team. It would be safe and comfortable. No one would judge or question me, because after all, it was meant to be a 'group' thing and now it won't be. It would have been uncomplicated and undemanding of me NOT to go. But - I wanted to. And I was also somewhat actually afraid of letting my anxiety be strong enough to get in the way of doing something I truly had decided I really wanted to do. I wish my girls were coming with me, but I can still do this. I'm being a bit scared and doing it anyway.

"Not today, Anxiety!"

Another helpful (brave!) thought re-frame that I learned from Dr. Jody Carrington is her phrase "Not Today, Corona!" I promise I'm not sponsored to quote her, she just resonates within this topic so well. My family now uses some version of that phrase for lots of stuff in our house and experiences: ""Not today, PMS!" or "Not today, Mother Nature!" or "Not today, Self-Doubt!" - you get the point. :) Try it ~ you feel like you're talking back to the jerk in the room or the thing that is really getting on your last nerve, and you get a little boost in personal power for acknowledging the 'thing' trying to be stronger than you, and declaring it isn't, in fact, stronger than you.

So, next time you feel like are lacking in bravery, remember that it's okay to feel scared or unsure. What truly matters is your willingness to face those feelings and take a step forward, no matter how small it may seem or feel. Embrace the discomfort, dig deep for and trust in your inner strength, and know that every act of courage, no matter how seemingly insignificant, contributes to your progress to flourish and your ability to persevere. Growth doesn't happen when you're comfortable, and if you're not growing, you are not truly living your best life.

I want to live my best life. And I want you to live your best life, too.

Here's to our messy, complicated, beautiful and perfectly imperfect best lives.

Let's go get them, and wholeheartedly tell the amazing stories of them later.

~ Michelle xoxo