Decision Making - How In the World??

Easy as pie, or stressful as all get out?

Fast and painless, or drawn out excruciatingly until the end of time?

A barely there afterthought, or a catastrophe waiting to happen?

Let's talk about the how - to of decision making, and what often got in my way, and maybe in yours, so that we ultimately feel really good in the end.

Why is it that some people can make decisions so easily, and others (this is me - I am others) struggle immensely with this seemingly minor event? I cannot begin to tell you how many hours I've spent mentally logging every pro and con of every possibility, when trying to decide on things like what to order for dinner, if I want the medium hoop earrings or the large hoop earrings, or which show on Netflix will be best to have playing in the background while I'm writing report cards versus if I'm cleaning the kitchen.

For. Real.

Insert giant eye roll, right?

Yep, I get that all of the above issues are fairly inconsequential. I know it. But those options never feel small or insignificant when they need to be chosen between. Does that sound crazy? Am I the only one in this proverbial boat of indecisiveness?

What's Your Sign?

I've often joked that my inability to make decisions comes from my astrological sign. Born in October, I am a Libra - powerfully embodied as the scales of justice and fairness, a queen of compromise, and a lover of peace and diplomacy. There is always another side to look at. Always another perspective to consider. Always a negative to cancel out the positive, or a positive to cancel out the negative. What's a girl to do?!

Well, when you look at it that way, could there be ANY doubt that I hate making decisions, and, in fact, feel as though I am quite bad at it?

Ok, so there's strike one against me so far.

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Decision-Making Fatigue

As an elementary school teacher, I am usually called upon to make roughy 14 trillion decisions a day. Ok, I'll try not to be dramatic, though certainly feels like that most of the time. "They" say it is actually about 1,500 decisions in 6 hours, which equates to about 4 decisions a minute.

FOUR DECISIONS EVERY MINUTE!

Are you kidding me?!

"There is research on the extraordinary number of decisions that a teacher has to make at any given moment ~ more decisions minute-by-minute than a brain surgeon."

~American Society Today, 2011

I think we can all agree, by and large, that those kind of numbers can obviously result in decision making exhaustion. And don't even get me started on the number of both conscious and unconscious decisions that us parents have to make in order to keep our littles happy, healthy, safe and entertained, every single day. OMG it makes me want to take a big, fat snooze!

Therein lies my second strike.

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Internal Interferences

As if all of the above wasn't enough, I can't forget to highlight the fact that anxiety grips my thoughts on a fairly regular basis, which also creates decision making stuck-ness. After years and years of managing my anxiety in a variety of ways, I'm not likely to totally collapse under the weight of it, but I do sometimes certainly get stalled within, as I figure out how to muddle my way through. When you're constantly worrying and imagining worst (sometimes best) case scenarios, or trying to predict an outcome before you make it, so that you know you're choosing correctly, you often find yourself stuck in a world of 'no decision is better than the wrong one,' just in case.

Strike 3. I'm out.

Or am I?

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Listen to Your Mama

As I've gotten older and more settled, more sure of myself, and braver in my own being (read: more stubborn and less tolerant of wasting my energy and/or time), I've also finally come to begin understanding a couple of my mom's wisdom sharings, things she has espoused to me for years.

You gotta

FEEL IT IN YOUR BONES

and

IF IN DOUBT, DON'T.

Mom always talked about "feeling it in her bones" and I gotta admit, I thought she was nuts. I didn't have the awareness then that I do now. I was just so insecure, apprehensive, and (not yet diagnosed) anxious, that I had no sense of what in the hell that actually meant or felt like. I remember being really jealous of her confidence, and wishing I could 'know' something so clearly, without question, because I felt I could guarantee I never would. I just did not understand.

I was also sometimes entirely too impatient to wait for 'doubt' to completely go away. If I HAD finally come to some kind of decision, even if if didn't seem completely right, I usually didn't want to not do it, because that felt like I would just be endlessly treading water when all I wanted to do was get swimming already. It was already enough of a process to get going when decision making was hard for me. I just couldn't second guess myself more or again, even if that is probably exactly what I should have done, because something didn't feel exactly as it should.

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This topic recently and unexpectedly came to light for me, in a big way, as I struggled to make some decisions in my world. These weren't just those kind of Netflix or jewelery decisions, either. I have felt that I have had a few things to get clear for myself, which likely meant a solid making up of my mind, and uncertain changes certainly to be made. It was time to figure out what to do. Or not do.

I bravely made a decision. I believed it to be right....though it sort of felt like I wanted someone to tell me I was right. I kept it to myself for awhile, just in case it was 'wrong' or 'bad' or 'silly', as if waiting to speak it aloud would influence that.

Then I shared it, quasi-confidently. And I was appropriately questioned and made to re-think it. Which, if you don't already know, is code for go ahead and doubt myself.

Sigh.

So I changed my mind. I didn't tell anyone. I needed to be certain it would be 'acceptable'. I needed approval, and a guarantee of some kind (hello, anxiety - nice to see you again) because it felt too big and scary to own, on my own.

But fundamentally, that didn't feel good or right. Oh for crying out loud, what on earth was I supposed to do?!?!?

I took a breath. I channeled my Mamabear. I took another breath, and got myself quiet - including all those stupid thoughts that always get in the way of the right ones. My ability to make a decision isn't reliant on my air sign, on my brain exhaustion, on my mental health, or really anything else.

Once I was still, and trusting in and of my body and mind, I knew. Only then it became clear, because I felt it in my bones, and there wasn't any doubt to say don't. I just knew.

What decision is waiting for you? What is holding you back from making it?

Go ahead and make your choice.

You've got what you need inside you.

Trust yourself.

~ Michelle xoxo